skip to Main Content


I am having a bath with a giraffe shaking off the riggers
Reflecting on the vigours of a hard days graft
A candle is lit the door it is shut
To keep out the draft and Jabba the Hutt

I’m sharing a bath with a Masai giraffe
Switched off the data streams laid back chillaxed
A glass of wine maybe a carafe
Enjoying the fruits of our labour
Savouring the flavour of the grapes of wrath

I was causing a splash with a tipsy giraffe
Both coming to terms with the fact that here and now is where we are at
When suddenly from out of nowhere a hippopotamus appeared
With a crate full of beer who’s friendly smile cheery disposition
All at once they endeared
It’s frothy man

Upon his head sat a tiny pair of twitching ears
That old father time humorously designed
And mother nature tongue in cheek tweaked refined
Ever so slowly over eons of sublime

Hey I’ve got an idea he excitedly said
Let’s build a raft an amphibious craft
Sail away to the land of the daft
Where odds and goods are always stacked
Mindless violins gratuitous sax
Large elephants jump slowly sink rapidly
Never mind the bollocks spend and tax

The camelopardalis the fellow with the long neck was perturbed
By the dumbest thing he ever heard a ridiculous notion truly absurd
Clearly disturbed something inside of him stirred
Then looking down from high above uttered these words

Some they hunt in packs others run with herds
Some are carnivores the rest are herbivores
In the great circle of life 3.142 always recurs
A thing only exists when its body swerves
Why kill two birds with one stone when one can get stoned with two
Let’s stay put in Lilliput my advice to you

The river horse without any force felt inclined to agree
With the focal points from the discourse
At which time I submerged submarine like slipped beneath
The warm soapy water to reconsider Murphy’s Law

Ted Hughes Sylvia Plath a gravestone epitaph
Two barmy bar stewards drove each other mad
Even amidst fierce flames the golden lotus can be planted
Inscribed by blade light luminous black
Flexing like the lens of a mad eye
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

I’m still in Iraq with fleetwood and mac
Testing our fault conditions to see how we react
We are shapeshifters we can adapt
To preserve our modesty the inglorious three
Wear trunks in the bath

Oh how we all laughed danced goofed around
To the wah guitar sound of Isaac Hayes’ theme from shaft
Insanity is to attempt to swim against the tide
Whilst soaking in a bubble bath
Augustine of Hippo that joke isn’t funny anymore
Yer ‘aving a giraffe.

%d bloggers like this: