Falcon Queue

Falcon Electrical Wholesalers Sheepscar Street Leeds
Sell goods to Joe Public and the wider industry
Every kind of spoken language every kind of ethnicity
Step inside wait a while and you’ll be served eventually

Stock all types give the best price is their philosophy
The customer is always wrong the queue is legendary
The drinks machine has run out of chocolate undrinkable the tea
The coffee tastes disgusting but hey at least it’s free

John is the owner a man true to his word
The sound of his raucous laughter is joyously absurd often heard
He and Raj his brother named the business after a hunting bird
Then a parting of ways somehow occurred

When top dog is away Martin calls the shots
He’s been here forever long ago lost the plot
He had hair down to his arse way back in the days that time forgot
Drove a battered brown metro all over town Waiting For Godot

Pile it high sell it cheap everything must go
Dennis and Paul remind me of the critics on the Muppet Show
Please say it aint so my resistance is low
As the opening refrain from tears of a clown plays out on the radio

Vexed Caucasians perplexed Asian dudes
3 times divorced electricians in contemplative moods
Bored apprentices stare at phones wear trendy running shoes
Together stand in line with 4 foot 6 inch druids clutching 5 foot tubes

Presidential candidate’s influential heads of state
The pace is always slow the flow is more sedate
For chavs and spivs alike even the Emir of Kuwait
The golden rule in here is everyone must wait

Sarcastic Ricky takes no prisoners cuts no ice
Freely gives helpful tips on wireless kits
Sound advice on augur bits to the assembled boring tools
Stares into your eyes looking for lies
Grudgingly issues refunds for damaged goods when completely satisfied

Whatever happened to Gil nobody will tell
No one knows where Noah is cos he’s a law unto himself
So we the captured audience in desperation must sometimes serve ourselves
Meanwhile back of stage Sean is ordering 12v batteries
For a Buddhist terror cell

Someone down the line is moaning on about the NICEIC
Earth electrodes KA ratings requirements for PME
‘ere mate if it’s in the 18th Edition then who are we to disagree
What the flux the value of Ze got to do with me?

Ginger John with shiny head a whiter shade that’s sometimes red
Still haunted by the shenanigans of Peter, Cooper, Fred
He changes the till roll twice a day then goes back to bed
No one bothers to tell him that really he is dead

Nick the fork lift driver covered in tattoos
John and Neil the new starters bewildered confused
When Mangal in a tangle finally returns from his heroic quest with the wrong kind of fuse
Whilst the rest of us gathered here look on thoroughly unamused

Simon and David they work in accounts
Calculating discounts adding VAT to net amounts
Laid back pleasant attitudes which is kind of surprising considering
The sheer volume of invoice disputes terms and conditions abuse
They manage to sort out

Polish Max couldn’t cope with stir crazy
Retrained became a plumber went in search of Royston Vasey
Someone said he was lazy but the details were hazy
The terminator moved on to greener pastures hasta la vistalux baby

Pandora’s Box was opened bedlam was unleashed
The cleaner mops and slops around the feet of the easily displeased
The devil keeps away God can’t stand the heat
I like to think that Danny and Daz the drivers
Are in a better place now may they rest in peace

Tony Bright Sparks I am known as in here
I have been stood around waiting for many a year
Now at long last the gear I ordered has finally appeared
I went in closely shaven and came out with a beard
So as one shepherd said to the other
Let’s get the flock out of here

Basket

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